The Explanation

After creating my first post I realized I should provide some background information.  The first and most important thing you should know is that I grew up in Brooklyn with arguably the funniest mother alive. 
I was always pleasantly plump and my mother never had a problem pointing that out to me or anyone else for that matter.  She would constantly ask me if my thighs had a rash from rubbing together (anyone who has had a weight problem knows about this).  When I asked her what the "w" on my clothes stood for she would tell me wide.  Now I am old enough to know the "w" stands for women's.  My mother once told me she wanted to video me wiggling into a Nancy Ganz body slimmer and submit it to America's Funniest Home Videos because she guaranteed we would win.  I can't deny that she is entertaining.        

And it wasn't only my mother.  Growing up, one of my skinny cousins would always tell me, "you can fix fat but you can't fix ugly" and I always took that as a compliment.  At least I wasn't ugly, right?

I will never forget this one trip to the fat girl store.  You know which one.  It was around holiday time and I was looking for a holiday outfit.  And back in the late 90s the options were not very stylish.  I will give this fat girl store credit for improving over the years and now carrying fancy jeans.  I mean, they are still no J Crew for plump chicks but they are better than they were.  Anyway, back to holiday time in the late 90s.  I entered the store and it had to be 100 degrees in there and the heat was blasting.  Yes it was winter time, and yes it was cold outside.  But, but, but, it was like hell on Earth in that store.  I was looking rack to rack when I started sweating profusely as if I was on a treadmill running uphill.  I asked the girl working in the store if they were trying to get their customers to sweat off the pounds and she said that wasn't funny.  I told her hell yeah it was funny and that she should have a sense of humor.

Here's the thing.  I was shopping at the fat girls store and therefore I surely wasn't slim.  I would like to think I am pretty self aware and that kind of thing didn't bother me.  I don't know why she acted like it was a bad thing to say. 

I know I can be thinner and I know I can be plumper...or am I supposed to say luscious these days?  I have struggled with my weight my entire life.  In the past 7 years, I have been as thin as 120 and as heavy as 260.  I went down to 120 when I lost a ton of weight right before relocating to the District.  I gained some back over the last few years, but not all of it.  I joined Jenny because I don't want to go all the way back up to 260.  When I first lost the weight I did it on my own, but I was also 10 years younger.  It is not as easy now - even with going to the gym at 5 am every morning.  

If you know me, you probably don't think I weigh as much as I do.  I owe that gratitude to my "black girl booty" which stores the bulk of my weight.  I never want to weigh 260 again and I never want to weigh 120 again.  The goal for now is 150 - or as the Jenny consultant put it - a weight within my healthy range.  I am going to do something very taboo and disclose my weight since I am sharing all this other information and hopefully it will dispel the weight taboo.  At Jenny on Saturday, I clocked in at 200.8.  To me, it truly is just a number and I have the power to change it. I hope you continue to read and enjoy my journey.